[Editorial] 5 Horrific Date Night Horror Films

So, we’re approaching that time of the year again, Valentine’s Day. I’ve never been a fan of the day myself, it’s one of those forced occasions designed to make you feel bad when you forget to write a card or buy overpriced flowers. But that being said, Valentine’s is a pretty fun time when you’re into horror because there’s a lot of blood-soaked romance to enjoy. 

Which is why I’m back on my extreme horror bullshit to bring you some disturbing horror films to suit everyone’s tastes. So, if you’re single and want reminding that it’s better to be alone, then I have some suggestions or alternatively, if you’re part of a happy couple I have some cute cannibalism for you. Here are your 5 horrific date night horror films… 

5. Eden Lake (2008)

We’ve all dreamt of going on a romantic little camping trip with our loved ones, just us, them and the peaceful countryside. But throw in a gang of hooded youths and you’ve got the worst couple’s getaway there has ever been. 

If you’re thinking of taking a rural couple’s holiday, then watch James Watkins’ Eden Lake and you might reconsider. Jenny and Steve decide to escape to the country for a weekend of zen lake hanging but a group of youths decide to turn romantic fun into torture. It’s a bleak and brutal watch, but might make you think twice when choosing your next holiday destination. 

4. Nekromantik (1987)

The greatest love story of all time? Or potentially the saddest love story of all time? I’ll let you decide. I’ve been trying to convince most people for quite some time that Jorg Buttgereit’s Nekromantik is just a complicated love story, but no-one seems to want to listen.

If you’re up for viewing it as a serious yet slightly sickening tale of heartbreak and obsession, then this is the extreme horror for your date night. Rob brings home a present for his girlfriend Betty, and that gift is a corpse. They’re into a bit of casual necrophilia and have a threesome with the corpse, but Betty decides the rotting mass is a better fuck than Rob and leaves him. The film is a melancholic tale of getting your heart broken.

3. Audition (1999)

If you’re single this Valentine’s Day and feeling a little bit lonely, then why don’t we remedy that for you. No, I can’t give you the person of your dreams (I’m no Dr. Frankenstein) but what I can do is offer a film that might put you off dating for quite some time. 

That is of course Takashi Miike’s Audition. Shigeharu Aoyama is a widower and wants to find himself a new wife, so he does the logical thing and with the help of his mate, puts out a casting call. He becomes besotted with Asami Yamazaki, a shy and enigmatic young woman. So he courts her, and all hell breaks loose. The climax of this film will leave you feeling glad to be single and alone tonight. 

2. Trouble Every Day (2001)

You know when you love someone so much you just want to eat them? Yeah, we all know the feeling. So in theory then, what’s more romantic than actually indulging in said fantasy and consuming the flesh of the one you love the most?

Well Claire Deni’s New French Extremity film, Trouble Every Day takes that concept and brings it to life. Shane has just married Tricia, but whilst on their honeymoon he decides to seek out an old colleague, one who shares his same taste for something more than just lust. In a strange way there is definitely something sexy about cannibalism, and this film proves that. 

1. Speak No Evil (2022)

For those of us who have been in a relationship for a while, you’ll know that you sometimes make ‘couple friends’. It can be intentional, but sometimes it kind of just happens, especially when you have kids. But honestly, ‘couple friends’ are overhyped and you’re better off without.

And this film is the perfect example of why you should trust the person you love and sack off ‘couple friends’. Christian Tafdrup’s Speak No Evil follows a Danish family who become friends with a Dutch family whilst on holiday and get invited to their home for a vacation. Sounds like a nice time, right? Wrong. You’ll watch this one and then immediately want to hold on to your partner in an embrace. It’s depressing, barbaric and devastating to watch.

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