[Editorial] Romance Gone Wrong: The Anti-Valentines Movie List

Sick of seeing lovesick posts of couples snogging all over social media? Planning to spend valentines at home alone with a takeaway and a pint of ice cream? Or maybe you’re happily betrothed but just anti-consumerism (until Halloween of course). 

Allow me to present to you: The Anti-Valentines movie list. 

Each of the films in this list have themes of romance, relationships, and sexual exploration, however they all also skip the lame predictable happy endings and notions of love conquering all, and instead choose violence.

Trigger Warning: A lot of these films deal with extreme and/or sexual violence. 

Proceed with caution, lovebirds.

Antichrist (2009)

Antichrist is the first film in controversial filmmaker Lars Von Trier’s Depression Trilogy, so you know things are off to a strong start.

The film tells the story of a couple (unnamed) played by Willem Dafoe and Charlotte Gainsbourg as they retreat to a cabin in the woods following the death of their young son. 

As both attempt to come to terms with their grief and guilt, they  become more manic and experience strange visions that cause them to engage in increasingly violent sexual activity. 

A disturbing and beautiful film, Antichrist plays like an ethereal nightmare delving into the world of experimental therapy and supernatural sadism – it’s not for the faint of heart.

Ghouls Assistant Editor Rebecca McCallum credits Antichrist with helping her to deal with anxiety in her piece for Grimm Magazine.

Eden Lake (2008)

Another couple escaping to a remote location for what they hope will be a positive time away are nursery school teacher Jenny (Kelly Reilly) and her boyfriend Steve (Michael Fassbender).

Unfortunately though, they are in the UK, and at threat from the dreaded ‘hoodies’ aka a bunch of knife-wielding teens with nothing better to do than hunt down and brutalise the happy couple.

Eden Lake is as visceral and mean-spirited as it gets, with a chilling performance from gang-leader Jack O’Connell. It’s a film that will stay with you.

The Woman (2011)

The Woman is the second movie in the trilogy that includes Offspring (2006) and Darlin (2019) and is, without a doubt, the strongest entry – honestly, you can probably skip both of those other films.

Directed by Lucky Mckee (Writer and Director of May (2002)), The Woman follows family man Chris Cleek (Sean Bridgers) as he captures a feral woman (Pollyanna Mcintosh – The Walking Dead) he discovers in the woods.

Chris is an inherently abusive man, as shown by his increasingly aggressive treatment of not only his hostage, but his own wife and daughter. His son, however, is a perfect clone of the evil that raised him.

As the film goes on, we see the family assist Chris in keeping the woman trapped and even supporting him in torturing her in various degrees. What he does to her is disturbing to say the very least, but the most disturbing and interesting part of the film is the relationships between him and the members of his family.

Bridgers gives an incredible performance as one of the most detestable characters I have ever seen on screen. It says a lot that he is truly the most horrific element of a film where someone is LITERALLY chopped in half.

The story which The Woman is telling is a vital one. It shows us that hateful, misogynistic people aren’t always open about their beliefs, and they may be upstanding members of the community. It shows us that we can’t believe what we see at face value and that the most skilled liars can hide even the most terrible of crimes from the rest of the world.

– Kim Morrison, ‘A Look at The Woman 10 Years Later’

Deadgirl (2008)

No doubt a polarising choice for our list, Deadgirl really is for the cold-hearted ones amongst us. 

The story follows two hormone-driven teenage boys (Shiloh Fernandez - Evil Dead and Noah Segan – Knives Out), who discover the naked body of a girl in an abandoned psychiatric hospital and agree to use her for their own twisted pleasures. 

Unfortunately, though, their ecstasy is short lived when they realise that their new ‘toy’ isn’t quite as dead as they once believed. 

Deadgirl is as grim as it gets in terms of premise, and although it’s far from a masterpiece of cinema, it does contain some interesting exploration of the limits of male friendships with themes of loyalty, peer pressure and morality. 

It Follows (2014)

The eeriest and most nuanced film on our list is 2014’s fan-favourite IT Follows.

Maika Monroe (The Guest) plays Jay, a young woman who inherits a supernatural entity after engaging in unprotected sex with her boyfriend. The entity shape shifts to appear in different forms, each time following Jay at a zombie-like pace but growing ever closer.

There are many ways to interpret the story – as commentary on the shame surrounding sexuality, as a threat against unprotected sex and STDs, or simply movie with a paranormal presence only intended to scare. 

Ghouls Contributor Dani Bathea wrote that “The manifestation of reinforced cultural practices where men are given space to act sexually without consequence results in patriarchal and misogynistic horror and are the ‘It’ that Follows” in her piece ‘The Body Politics of It Follows’

No matter how you look at it, It Follows is a modern masterpiece of horror cinema, with its dreamy colour palette, its undefinable time period and its killer soundtrack, even the simplest of scenes feel other-worldly. 

Audition (1999)

When film producer and widower Shigeharu Aoyama’s (Ryo Ishibashi – The Grudge) son suggests that he should find himself a new wife, he decides to hold a phoney audition for actresses to play the part. He is instantly charmed by Asami Yamazaki (Eihi Shiina – Tokyo Gore Police), and after a few dates plans to propose. Unfortunately, though she goes missing, and it’s all downhill from here for poor Shigeharu.

As he delves deeper into Asami’s past, he finds out more and more dark secrets, and when they eventually reunite, it’s anything but a lovers' rendezvous. 

I won’t spoil anything, but Audition is notorious for its ultra-violence and its quite frankly, stomach-churning, final act, as well as for being one of very few Japanese horrors in which the protagonist is a woman.

Go in blind, and by the end you will probably wish you were.

Misery (1990)

Stephen Kings’ classic story of the original toxic fangirl – Annie Wilkes (Kathy Bates who won an Oscar for her performance). It’s safe to say that this should be a staple for all horror fans. 

When famed writer Paul Sheldon (James Caan – The Godfather) is involved in a car accident which leaves him unable to walk, he is rescued by Annie who just so happens to be his number one admirer – that is until he reveals that he is planning to kill off the main character in his book series.

Devastated by this revelation, Annie takes matters into her own hands by demanding he re-write the story and keeping him captive until he does so. 

Cue repeated failed attempts to escape, bone crunching violence and a fight to the death.

Excision (2012)

If you follow a certain amount of the individual Ghouls contributors on Twitter, you will have no doubt heard of the film Excision - even if you haven’t seen it - because it’s definitely a group favourite.

90210 teen star AnnaLynne McCord stars as Pauline, a socially awkward but relatable teenage girl going through all the fun things that teenage girls go through – raging hormones, pressure from a controlling mother and the unbearable burden of virginity. Throw in disturbing fantasies of sexual mutilation, excessive amounts of menstrual blood and a sister who is on the edge of death, and you are left with a coming-of-age story with a difference.

Excision is a beautiful film to look at, and a touching tale of a girl struggling for acceptance and ultimately just wanting to help her sister - the only person in the world who does accept her for who she is – in any way she can. 

Teeth (2007)

Spokesperson for Christian abstinence group ‘The Promise’, Dawn O’Keefe (Jess Weixler) puts her beliefs aside when she meets the charming Tobey (Hale Appleman) and agrees to go to the local swimming hole to make out with him. When Tobey pressures her for more, she asks him to stop but he refuses to take no for an answer and forces himself on her – a decision he comes to regret when his penis is ripped from his body by her vagina.

Horrified by the ordeal, Dawn researches the phenomena of ‘vagina dentata’ and turns to doctors, friends and family for help – all of whom are selfishly motivated and equally as predatory as Tobey. It’s up to Dawn to use her newfound body part to survive and take down her aggressors.

Writer and Director Mitchell Lichtenstein places the vagina front and centre in Teeth, showing how powerful, confusing and complicated it can be to be a woman understanding her sexuality. - Kim Morrison, ‘Teeth (2007) Review’

When Teeth was released back in 2007 it was dubbed a horror-comedy, and there are for sure some laughable moments (crab with a detached penis anyone?) but the sad reality is that a lot of us wish that this was more than just a funny idea some guy came up with to make men squirm and women cheer. Wouldn’t it be nice if women finally had a way that they could feel safer walking home alone at night?

Haute Tension/Switchblade Romance (2003)

To end our list, I wanted to choose a film with a significant ending, one that has divided horror fans since the early 00s.

Haute Tension is part of the wave of films from French creators that all feature taboo and disturbing content, aptly named ‘New French Extremity’, and is a great starting point for anyone wishing to explore the genre but is a little hesitant to dive right into the deep end with something like Irreversible.

Marie (Cecile de France) and Alex (Maiwenn Besco) arrive at Alex’s family home for a short study weekend and quickly come to regret it when a serial killer invades and starts picking them all off one by one, each method of death more grisly than the last. 

Haute Tension is ruthless from beginning to end, and provides more blood, brains and gore than you could wish for, but the twist at the end is what will have you thinking long and hard after the credits roll. 

Whether you love it or hate it though, there’s no denying that Cécile De France gives a powerhouse performance that makes the watch 100% worth it.

To find out where you can watch the films on this list, as well as more Anti-Valentines recommendations, check out the full Letterboxd list here. 

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